In 2009 I attempted to read Elizabeth Gilbert’s international best seller ‘ Eat Pray Love’.
I did not get past page 50.…the book repulsed me, or to put in more kindly, did not agree with me.
The fact that I was unable to loose myself in Gilbert‘s story concerned me slightly…every where I looked in 2009, on buses and trains, commuters were engrossed in HER book, dinner party conversations and work place chit chat were dominated by three words ‘ Eat, Pray, Love‘…followed by ‘ Have you read it?’
I despaired….Why could I not be caught up the ‘ Eat Pray Love’ phenomena?…What was wrong with me? If I took Oprah’s word for it, Gilbert’s book represented the voice of the modern women.
Yet this voice did not define ME
I could not relate to Gilbert’s tale of woe, the collapse of her marriage and the state of detachment she found herself in as a result.
The reality I know is that when life events throws you of course, be it through divorce, illness, death, heart-break, …is that things get tough…really tough
Things get worse before they get better.
But they get better.
And I for one could not relate to the luxuries that Gilbert’s lifestyle afforded her at a time of crisis. If only the everyday women could be provided the same opportunities for personal growth and development, healing and discovery…spending months on end in ashrams in India, eating Gelato in Rome, finding divine peace through yogic practice in Bali.
When shit hit’s the fan I reach for a block of chocolate and watch Anne of Green Gables on repeat…on my couch…at home.
No one has EVER offered me a book deal to document MY healing process…or suggested I take a year off to FIND myself!
The end, enough said…moving on! I just sound bitter!
Bali in 2012- I have returned for the Ubud Writers and Reader Festival…it is day three of the four days festival…and I have once more been seduced by its charms, its literary wonders, music, film and dance spectacles, charged conversations and powerful ideas.
And as I lay awake this morning ( the result of a SUGAR hangover) I wrote this post in my head before I committed it to print….The effects of sugar on my body I am learning, is an over active mind and an inability to be still / find peace.
Try as I might to refute it…I am living 10 days a la Elizabeth Gilbert…. hence the words below shall fall under the heading ‘ Eat Pray Love….Vomit’ ( self-indulgent writing warning below)
Maybe Ms Gilbert you did have a point after all…We all have a duty of care to ourselves, to do just that, look after ourselves, within whatever means we are allotted in life.
And just like Ms Gilbert, I find myself writing about MY journey ( but without the million dollar book deal!)
28th September – Pre Bali
I was tired
I was agitated
I was unsure of myself
I was underestimating my abilities
I did not smile at the small things
I had forgotten my motto for 2012 was to ‘ expect the unexpected’
Yet, despite the presence of these feelings…I was HAPPY
Mid way through Ubud Holiday - 5th October
I was still struggling to let go of pre-concieved ideas….I was wondering around Ubud thinking…this just isn’t the same as last time?
Then it came to me….
It was NEVER going to BE
And upon realising this….I became aware that….
I know more about myself than I had been prepared to give credit for
I have come far, changed so much, since my 2010 trip to Bali
There is still a long way to go….
Bring it ON
And as a result I enjoyed immensely day two of the festival…the writers, film makers, singer song writers, the company of my fellow volunteers, the festival patrons…
It all just came together…..day two of the 2012 Ubud Writers and Readers Festival
Today is day three…I am so excited…I have the hottest ticket in town in my hands, cocktails and conversation with the one and only : Mr Nick Cave….I don’t understand the allure…But I want too!!
To be continued