Temporary Holding Zone

I am stuck
Literally- locked in, caged, wings clipped.
I close my eyes, my ears prick at the suggestion of footsteps in the room.
I imagine them walking with purpose towards me, a key chain rustles
With great precision, they prise open the cage door
I taste, smell, touch and see freedom- happy tears flow.

But the cage is a self imposed one, it has no physicality
There are forces holding me back that I cannot articulate.
It is an inner state of turmoil.
Outwardly, this is evident in my behaviour
I am irritable, on edge and tired.

I am stuck but I know it won’t be forever
For the first time in a long time, I accept the situation for what it is and know it will pass
Each day I edge closer to a new beginning
As I wait it out, it is important to the search and find a silver lining in every situation
All those beautiful shiny lids on the ground, sparkling just for me.

Beautiful Shiny Lids

A self-diagnosed trouble maker
She loved that – and was proud to think he knew himself that well

Gold dust, glitter, sparklers and beautiful shiny lids
Head in the cloud, heart a flutter, day dreaming a future
Time floating overhead represented her past.

And now?

A cup of instant coffee, sunshine and Donald Trump had her grounded.
Though it was easy to loose herself in lofty thoughts….she knew better.

Reality was a bitch, but the effort required to stay present was liberating.
Human interaction, a conversation, sharing of ideas, a smile, a hand shake, a hug.

She loved the ‘ shiny lid’ outlook recently acquired.
Happiness could be found in the mundane and the sublimely beautiful.

As long as she remained present, grounded, with two feet firmly on the ground.

Baby, Baby, Baby – NO!

It was the phone call you hope never to receive.

That voice down the line, words that are incomprehensible.

A question is going to be asked and your mind races- who, where, when, what, why?

You brace yourself for what is about to come, body tense, belly full of the air.

‘ Do you want to go to the Justin Bieber concert with Mae & I?’

Exhale. Shrieks of laughter & all over body shakes.

‘ Well, do you?’

You come too and your best friend has failed to interpret your snorts of nervous energy & high pitched squealing as a valid response.

‘ No’ I announce down the line ‘ And I think Mae is a bit young at 5 to see Bieber- he is a bit R rated of late’

‘What to you mean?’

My bestie had no idea and I don’t hold it against her. I am silent.

‘So not a good idea?’

‘ No’ I say & for the first time ever I feel I have acted as a fairy godmother should – responsibly!! I have prevented beautiful Mae childhoods from being high-jacked, propelled forward at the speed of light to adulthood.

Take it from me lovely Mae, stay 5 forever!!

Or in the words of our modern day maestro Bieber ‘ Baby, baby, baby, no!’

Aftermath – follow up call to bestie & Ms Mae. I am a kill joy & Mae is sad & disappointed. Bestie had told her daughter ‘ Kate does not want you to go to concert’ – can you imagine!!
Bestie did look up recommended age for said concert – 15 +

Proudest Fairy Godmother moment to date

Coming home to celebrate…..

Another year passes by, another number clicks over and I find myself older in the numerical sense.

But I don’t feel it in my bones, my skin might not look as youthful, but my spirit feels lighter. My outlook brighter.

If this is what getting older feels like, I’m a happy camper.

I am trying to imagine the perfect way to celebrate the universal phenomena of ageing but the past celebrations gets in the way….

Midnight ferry crossing from Greece to Italy, complete with birthday cake
Blind date birthday combo in NYC
Flamenco guitar serenade in Madrid
Solo celebrations at the Ubud, Bali Writers & Readers Festival

My younger self prided herself on being overseas for birthdays – in one way it was escapism, in another sense I thought that was the appropriate way to celebrate.

But a yearning to connect is what I crave most, with family, friends, as birthdays approach. I want to look around a table at faces of those who have shared life’s journey with me. To continue to create new memories with those nearest and dearest.

But I think I would have only arrived at this conclusion had I not been privileged to spend so many birthdays abroad. To date my Greece/ Italy & NYC Blind Date birthday remain firm favourites.

So Coledale, Austinmer and Thirroul – South Coast towns that have beckoned me home for the grand occasion, this birthday girl is here to celebrate.




Rogers Shoe Repair’s – 88 Redfern Street, Redfern.

The only boot maker worthy of a blog post.

The only boot maker I will probably ever write a blog post about.

The only boot maker I know.
The only boot maker worth knowing.

No boot beyond repair, no sandal buckle beyond salvation.
No high heel unscalable.
Sneakers, flats, clogs, tap shoes, ballet slippers
All worthy of Rogers exquisite craftsmanship
Shoe respite & repair.

Roger is known to repair for free, a smile his only service charge
And if you are lucky, the restoration may come with a perfectly pitched compliment, taking an average encounter to the realm of extraordinary.

‘Thank you for being you’
‘ I don’t need to flirt it get business, so listen when I tell you, I don’t say this often, you are a beautiful women’
‘ I don’t want money, your beautiful smile is enough’

How many people have experienced the ‘ Roger treatment?’

Today, after I collected my boots and newly stitched handbag, I stopped by the local grocery store to buy strawberries & rocky road – for the shoe man who would not take my money.

I feel old when I say ‘ in this day and age, this type of service is unheard off, is other worldly’

But I am old and it is true!

So Roger, thank you for being you.
Your craftsmanship inspires, as does your dedication to promoting goodwill and cheers to the humans of Redfern & their shoes


Thinking Out Loud


I have never been a fan of Ed Sheeran – maybe due to jealously. His song writing ability, musical talent and voice appear too perfect.

But today I have fallen head over heals in love with the song ‘Thinking Out Loud’- yes, that hit from 2 years ago, that has been played to death on commercial radio and racked up 1 billion views on youtube.

Prior to today, I loathed this tune!

But my work as a connector of students interns to Sydney businesses, lead to a working relationship with a music therapy organisation called ‘A Sound Life’. I have two young American boys bringing respite to the sick, the aged, the homeless, the addicted through music. It has been a pure joy to be part of their e journey – and it is only week two.

And so their site supervisor sent a video clip my way, of these two dashing young men, singing the infamous Ed Sheeran tune at the Sydney Children’s hospital today.

It made my day, my week, my working year ( well just about)

There is nothing more special that seeing a person engaged and connected with their unique talents & gifts, and for that to then be shared with others. It is inspiring, the joy contagious!

That is what I saw today….and as a result I am now an Ed Sheeran fan – never did I think I would see the day!!


Stuff and Nonsense

The Finn Brothers – Neil and Tim

Split Enz, Crowded House

Lyrical Gods, Masterful Musicians

Songs that help one make sense of the world.

Songs that offer wisdom and insight

Songs that encourage laughter, songs that induce tears

Songs that offer hope to the lost, and joy to those in love.


I once lived for the future

Everyday was one day closer

Greener on the other side

Yes I believe before I met you

I assumed that your love was brighter than the stars in my eyes

Now I know how and when I know where and why

Stuff and Nonsense – Lyrics by Split Enz

Spring has Sprung!


Words fail me, I cannot articulate how or why I know this. My sense of smell deserts me, my hands reach out in its direction yet it’s texture, size or shaped cannot be detected.Though my ears are pricked and at the ready, deafening silence.

Put simply,it is an inner feeling, that has been accompanying me these last few months. Can people see it in aura form? Can others see the change in store for me that I am yet to identify?  I have an inkling others do for I meet a new business contact this week who instantly felt we were kindred spirits and that we would do great things together. I felt it too true connection, a rare & precious thing.

But what is it she saw? She felt?

It is all about timing.

And I must be patient and wait. And past experience has taught me that the more energy I expend wanting, hoping, pleading for the change to reveal itself – the more elusive it will be.

But I have been waiting f.o.r.e.v.e.r and I am t.i.r.e.d

But the change that I sense is coming demands of me just that little bit more patience and grit.

What ever is in store for me, when it finally, if ever, reveals itself, I know my best self will be ready to meet it face on.

Happy first day of Spring, 2016.

Warning Sign

For me, one of the most attractive qualities in a person is vulnerability.

When they let down their guard, allowing feelings to bubble over – the good, the bad, and the ugly. Not a sign of weakness but strength. No longer is a person prepared to mask their sadness, loneliness, confusion – to go it alone in stoic silence.

For many a year, I stood in silence, unable to articulate myself in a world I found overwhelming and confusing. I flinched at the touch of loved ones, and remained tight-lipped even when surrounded by lifelong friends. I was a closed book. I felt misunderstood, and I was for I never revealed anything about my inner world.

In 2005 a colleague sensing my unease asked me point-blank ‘ You have never really shown your vulnerable side to anyone, have you?’ .We were out at Friday night drinks. I did not respond, I just ordered a double gin and gulped it down.

That was 11 years ago, I still recall that confronting question for at the time, it was true.

August 2016, and I am commuting to work in Sydney from the South Coast. On the train journey, I listen to my Mothers iPod to pass the time… And when I feel inspired, I write.

I have reacquainted myself with the band Coldplay, in particular the album ‘ Rush of Blood to the Head’ song eight’ Warning Sign’. I have been listening to this song on high rotation. Lead singer Chris Martin sings from the heart, lays it all bear for the world to know he is missing his lover. It is an achingly beautiful song, sung by a man who is clearly suffering loss and hoping that through song things can be mended.

It struck a chord.

Vulnerability in song form – it is ever so moving, ever so relatable. One connects with the honest tone of voice, the emotional turmoil evident in the lyrics.

It is an enabling song, about connection between people.

And that is what being vulnerable promotes – human connection.

No wonder I was so god damm lonely!! Why oh why Mr Martin did your song fail to break me in two, let the flood gate of tears unfold. How did I miss the bleeding obvious’ Warning Sign’?

Put simply, I  wasn’t ready to acknowledge my own vulnerability and was scared witless by this quality in others.

But now, different story. I have perfected the recipe for human connection – trust, familiarity, love, honesty & a desire to be present.

There’s no place like home

I was five years old when I played Dorothy from the Wizard of OZ, in the St Michaels Catholic Primary School Christmas play.

I was Dorothy version two – the meaty role was divided between two ‘actresses’. Though I had no more than 5 lines, I still recall the tears that welled in my eyes as I pronounced to a packed audience at the Thirroul R.S.L club ‘ There is no place like home’. I had practiced that line over and over, to be sure that I could click my heals at the same time whilst fixing my gaze on the theatre goers.

I am sure the tears were the result of nerves, staged fright & excitement but now, 32 years later, those words have served me well. For it is true, there is no place like home, the sleepy seaside town of Austinmer, 2515, South Coast, NSW.

And with the click of my heals , I find myself back there, my family home, nestled between the lush green escarpment and crystal clear ocean. The place of my childhood, the place I return to as a grown women, to relax, rejuvenate and unwind .A place where I know I am loved, welcomed and safe.

There is no place like home, there is no place like home.

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