CUWAM: What thought I Saw

Write On Wednesdays Exercise 20 Write the words ” I thought I saw” at the top of your page. Set a timer for 5 minutes. Write the first words that come into your head after the prompt. Don’t take you pen off the page (or fingers off the keyboard). Stop only when the buzzer rings! Do this exercise over and over if you wish. Write beyond 5 minutes if you like, you can link it up as an extra post.

I have to admit I thought about this….and it did take me longer than 5 minutes….but I vow to get better with deadlines, time limits, and commit to writing free style….

Entering the realm of online dating in later 2009 was confronting, exciting  nerve-wracking and down right weird….Having got to the end of a very challenging year, and finding myself still single, I had begun to repeat this mantra over and over in my head ‘ I am single and looking to mingle’…How very wrong I was….

Registering myself with an online agency, writing a classified advertisement in an attempt to sell, well, myself, was daunting…I initially tried to palm the task of to a close friend…’ Just write a short blurb about me’ I begged, ‘ Put me in a good light…it is all I ask’

But deep down I knew that the words had to be my own, that if I truly wanted my personality to shine through the harsh fluorescent glow of the computer screen, I had to commit to writing the ad myself.

Battling the torrent of endless negative self talk, hesitation and self-doubt, my profile was launched and so began my online search for love, for friendship, for companionship…..

Sifting through online profiles sent to my inbox,  all of which were deemed to meet ‘Key Dimensions of compatibility’, which had been pre-determined by the lengthy questionnaire I had completed on joining the site, questions about personal preferences, life and love goals….which then reduced all that I was to a personality type and a love formula…and hey presto….those in your inbox are just what the doctor ordered…

To be part on the online dating world you have to be open to new experiences, leave all pre-conceived ideas at the door, and step into unchartered territory with a sure sense of who you are and where you want to go…..And at the end of 2009 I was none the clearer on any of the above…

And what I saw as I logged onto the dating site time after time, what I thought I saw differed greatly from what I wanted to see…..it confirmed that I did not know what I was looking for,  nothing ever measured up to my lofty ideals of love, fairytale happy endings , the kiss that woke the princess from her deep sleep.

I was not going to find my Prince charming when what I saw was never going to measure up to what I thought I wanted…and my online dating experiences ended before they even really started….What did I want from the online world of love?

Two years later I am not sure I want what the online world has to offer me….But this dalliance provided great personal insight… What I saw out of all of this was a young women who needed to work on herself before she could re-introduce herself to the big bad world, and on her reintroduction her love could be professed in many forms, online, day-to-day, over the phone, the sending of a letter….

And I can now say with a bit more conviction’ I am single and looking to mingle’

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10 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Sarah Mac
    Oct 26, 2011 @ 10:08:57

    Online dating is a pretty scary place but then so is dating on the outside.

    For me it gave me the reassurance that I wasn’t alone, some new friends and, for a while, something more.

    Maybe knowing yourself a little better is the most positive thing you can take from it. It’s certainly a good place to start.

    Reply

  2. Jaimee
    Oct 26, 2011 @ 15:44:04

    My sister used to tell me about her online dating experience, “I look at it like this. I am going to have to kiss a few frogs before I find the frog I want to spend the rest of my life with.” She said she liked just going out with new people. She was also frustrated that nothing seemed to ever work out. Keep the faith…life is what happens when you are out living.

    Reply

  3. Kerry
    Oct 26, 2011 @ 16:11:33

    Thank you for sharing this! I love what you’ve done with the prompt and how you wrote about an inner struggle. You are so very right – we must work on ourselves first. Nice job.

    Reply

  4. Kimberlee
    Oct 28, 2011 @ 21:39:43

    Nice take on the prompt.

    One thing that worked for me (when I felt ready) was to write down a list of “must-haves” in a potential mate and then not settle for anything less. It worked. 😀

    Reply

  5. Janelle W
    Oct 30, 2011 @ 00:01:20

    This is an interesting look at an experience I’m not familiar with, I’m glad you shared it!

    Reply

  6. Ink Paper Pen
    Nov 01, 2011 @ 23:26:01

    Thanks for sharing such a personal experience with us. I hope 2012 is the year to be single and mingle! A friend of mine took the same approach mentioned by Kimberlee. She had a list (she wrote down items associated more with material things than physical or personality traits. eg. He had to be educated, owning or in the process of owning his own home and older than her). I thought it was a shallow list at the time but you know what? She stubbornly stuck to her little list, found a guy who ticked these boxes and even though, her friends all thought he was not her type (personality and looks wise, he was COMPLETELY different to her exes). He is funny, a little bit geeky and I dare say, had he not ticked her the boxes on her list, she wouldn’t have given him a second glance. And yet, here they are. 2 kids and a 4th wedding anniversary under their belt.

    Whew….What a long comment. I just wanted to say, that sometimes we don’t know what we want, until we have it. Perhaps, make a list of the material things you’d like from a partner. My friend even wrote down what industry she wanted her future partner to work in. And she got it.

    Reply

  7. Catch Up With A Mate
    Nov 02, 2011 @ 00:24:53

    Thanks Ink Paper Pen…I think it sounds like a good idea…Whilst I am still working on me… I am aware that I am much more open to possibilities…and for me, that is a big change!! I look towards to future with fresh outlook…and prehaps a check list!! xx

    Reply

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