CUWAM- The Fragmented Self

CUWAM has made a conscious effort to rebuild her sense of self over the last 7 days.

It has been a time for reflection….which in turn has led to the realisation that whilst travel is good and catch up with friends are GREAT, moderation is key.

Life is the slow lane, it almost a foreign concept…and I must admit the previous weekend spent in relative solitude , containing only one phone conversation and a smattering of general chit-chat at the local coffee shop and newsagent…was challenging….For I had started to believe that to be happy, one must always be busy, buzzing around a new city, or town, constantly on the go…..

Yet this busyness belief resulted in a feeling of mild burn out….I was starting to go about life, running of half a tank of fuel….The concept of slowing down scared me….To be with just me…a harsher term…alone….

When you are alone with yourself, the silence can be scary…And for me, the tendency to fill that silence with inner chatter is all too familiar…I entertain thoughts that pop into my head ( I have the time to!!). These thoughts are most commonly self-critical, I over analysis, worry…

My fear was that I would enter the working week, exhausted by a weekend of worry, unable to relax, crippled by fears that ( as always) fail to materialise….

But this did not happen…the worries were there, but I could still go about my day….gym sessions,reading, kitchen cook offs, house work and pet grooming,

When Monday came, only a little baggage followed me to work ( and most of it was my lunch!!)…And sure enough soon my weekend worries dissipated…And I was pleased….for clearly I was making progress…Time spent alone was now starting to be…..enjoyable!

With this outlook, and a new sense of rejuvenation…it was time to take to the streets…Sydney, you have much to offer. So hold onto your hats as a relay the week that was-

It goes without saying that between the hours of 9am-5pm- I was office bound….enough said!!

Monday- Cocktails and Schnitzel in Darlinghust.

I admit that the fact I had this to look forward to on Monday evening, made the weekend of isolation bearable….Under the bright lights of Darlinghurst, Fairy Floss Martini’s were consumed at Li’Darlin

And then with a click of our shoes, my girlfriend Alex and I was at Una’s- Schnitzel Emporium, were we failed to consume even half the portion of schnitzel laid out before us….xxx

Tuesday- A 7am down pour of rain….both outside and INSIDE my residence…A spectacular storm, streets flooded, foot paths disappeared, and water streamed down my hallway and through the man-hole that allows access to the roof….Flora was beside herself!! Clawing onto my mattress, as if it were a life raft…this was scary shit!!

No sooner had the rain started, that it stopped, and I hazard a guess that I had collected about 5 litres of water INSIDE…A phone call to my landlord was in order.

That evening, flat resident Thomas, a builder was enlisted to assess the roof…And to celebrate this victory…I went to the gym.

Wednesday- Come to think of it, the indoor flood may have occurred  on this day…I am not sure!! But of one thing I am sure, Wednesday evening was again a white wash of bad weather…Flash flooding, heavy downpours…But when their is a birthday to celebrate…one has no choice but to put on there best wet weather gear and get amongst it!!

To the Norfolk Hotel, Surry Hills for pre dinner drinks….then a meal at the divine Nourishing Quarter…for a vegetarian extravaganza to herald in April, the birthday girls coming of age ( well 28th year of life on planet earth)

Thursday- For the life of me I cannot remember what I made of Thursday…lets just say I was a looser and watched ‘ The Biggest Looser’

Friday – Half day in the office, mid morning coffee at Dues Ex Machina, Cycle works shop- Surry Hills, farewell lunch for colleague at the Royal Hotel, 3 hours worth of office administration followed by birthday drinks for former colleague, Scottie D….Yippee…The cider flowed, as did the conversation with colleagues past, present and future….

Saturday- Read much like the previous weekend…tv watching,reading, kitchen cook offs, house work and pet grooming…And as the sun took a bow, I began to feel  restless…It was time to get amongst it!!…well dessert anyway. I hopped in my trusty vehicle , placed the Cold Chisel cd on high rotation and drove west, destination, Bar Italia, Leichhardt…for Tiramisu and conversation with my former flatmate Sarah.

Sunday- Inspired by Saturday tv watching , re-runs of Channel 9’s Celebrity Apprentice….I got caught up in David Hasselhoff’s enthusiasm for beach culture and took a morning swim at Bondi beach, shopped at the markets and sipped coffee with the locals….

The afternoon comprised of coffee, cake and conversation with a friend in Woolarha, Anzac biscuit making in the evening and more Channel 9 tv watching.

And it seems fitting to end with a tune… to bind this post and my sense of self together…a song that inspired me to get of the house on Saturday night, drive 30 minutes in a westerly direction for a desert comprising of lashings of mascarpone cream and coffee soaked biscuits….

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