CUWAM- My right toe is pregnant

Your eyes do not deceive you…I really did title this post ‘ My right toe is pregnant’…Please forgo a few minutes of your time to hear me out!

In February I was out in the garden, bare foot, removing some palm branches that had been chopped down by someone living in my apartment block…

Lesson number one: Do not garden barefoot

Just as my parents turned up for a pre arranged lunch date, the tip of a palm branched thought it best to embed itself in my right toe…

My instant reaction was to cry out ‘ A palm branch has entered my toe’

My parents, unimpressed with this strange welcome, did their best to comfort me by telling me how silly I was to garden with naked feet….and then proceeded to administer first-aid: grated soap, sugar and a band-aid? Why? Apparently this remedy had been passed down from generation to generation ( lucky me) as an ‘effective’ way of softening the skin ( the soap component) to enable to foreign object to be easily removed.

Lesson number two:  Soap, sugar and a band-aid do not aid the remove of foreign objects from toes

Days passed, and the soap and band-aid method was losing its shine…My right toe was clean, but the strange lump remained, and my toe looked bruised and battered.

I went to the Doctors…who confirmed that there was NOTHING stuck in my right toe, that my soap & sugar approach to first-aid was laughable…and with a tetanus injection and a course of antibiotics he sent me on his way.

Lesson number three: The passing of time does not heal all wounds

4 month have passed  since I came to believe that a small piece of palm branch had taken up permanent residency in my right toe.

Whilst I initially I took comfort in the fact that a  real life Doctor had looked me straight in the eye and told me that their was NOT a piece of palm in my toe, as time passed, and my right toe took on a permanent shade of ‘bruised’ and ‘ lumpy’, doubts surfaced.

Lesson number four: You know your own body better than anyone else

On monday this week…I took matters into my own toes.

At a recent check up at the Doctors, I presented my toe, aired my concerns once more, and was referred to an ultra sound specialist for review….all I could think was ‘ My right toe is pregnant!!’…

And so it was that 48 hours ago,  my right toe was lubed up and examined.

The result: A palm branch, 9.1mm of glorious palm is embedded in my toe.

Lesson number five: Palm branches to not belong in toes and must be removed

And that folks, is my current dilema…a Doctors appointment for next week is pending…And hopefully the ordeal for my poor right toe will come to an end, the palm branch removed, normality restored.

As for my right toe, it can go back to being just that, no longer in the forefront of my thoughts, safely tucked away beneath wooly socks and leather shoes.

Its time in the spotlight is almost over.

To be continued….

4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Jen
    May 23, 2012 @ 04:21:09

    Ha ha!!!! THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED TO JO TWO WEEKS AGO!!! She embedded a piece of wood in her to as she was walking, and they had to do surgery to get it out……i think hers was a little wider, but about the same length! Goodluck!!! Jen xx


  2. Mim
    May 23, 2012 @ 07:34:41

    Oh you poor thing!!! I hope your toe has a smooth “delivery” 🙂
    Next time leave the gardening to SHAGS xxx


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